So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize