Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
