That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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