here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
