I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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