Sponge bath it is.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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