Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
