i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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