apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
