i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
