I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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