on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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