You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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