my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How does one acquire holy water?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
