God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
