well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
