Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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