it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
