I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
there is puke in my bra ... again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
