No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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