I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
