is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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