Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
