ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
