I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
