jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
