Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
