..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
