I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
We got so high we made milksteak
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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