And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
