Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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