I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
