Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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