i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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