Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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