Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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