Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
