My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
it's like iHOP with fire
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
