i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
