Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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