I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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