Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
