are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
