can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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