i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Houston, we have a blender
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i think my cat just said my name.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
