YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
