If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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