Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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