Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
