Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
