I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
