This is the prime rib incident all over again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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