are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
My ATM looks so different sober.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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