If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
