Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize