maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm experimenting with sincerity
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
