Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Maybe he injected his testicle?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
