she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
