my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
