people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
