Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
