My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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