there's paper in my vomit.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i love accidental penises.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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