We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
