Christians are straight up FREAKS
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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