Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
