Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize