I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
