everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
