He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
