So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize