$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize