No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
