the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
