Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
