If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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